Hey Margie... I'm sorry for the length of my original comment on this one (and how this one turned out as well). It's the most summarized version of what I wanted to say that I could muster at this time. I'm so afraid of saying the wrong things on this subject. There's a lot of past emotion and recent processing involved, and due to certain dysfunctions, I could come across as insensitive. On a base level, I do hate your father, just as I've instinctively hated many people to do horrible things around the world. And in cases like his, I fully support the death penalty. Speaking only of emotions though, to this day, I have to admit to episodes where I still hate my mother as well for what she put me through. What I should have said is that I can never hold on to hate, because everything always explains itself, and just becomes logical to me. No one chooses at birth to become so weak and devoid of empathy or moral sense that they could hurt and manipulate other people without caring. It's never a plan to be an abuser. And it wasn't until recently, over COVID lockdown (when I'd gotten scammed out of my living money two different times back to back, because I hadn't slept in six months and was easy to take advantage of), that I determined myself to adopt this way. This was before our rent prices skyrocketed. While I stayed in the unfunctioning illegal basement apartment, I hated the man who'd tricked me into thinking it was otherwise. One feature of this space was that in case of a fire, I'd be trapped behind a wooden door that gets jammed between the railing of the steps, and this, my only exit, was beside the most fire prone room in the house (the kitchen). I was incredibly hateful of this man, and the one who'd stolen all my money in the first place, which was when I started rethinking how I handled those emotions, because I get caught up in mental cycles that can get in the way forever... but I have to go on, because someone might think I'm making excuses for people being assholes, or even monsters. This isn't my goal at all. Someone might think I'm belittling them for feeling what they feel, but that isn't anywhere near the case. I've lived my entire life being an outcast, no matter how horribly I wanted to fit in for years, and I don't expect most people to see or feel things my way. I don't know that they should. But if anyone needs to be cold and calculating about dealing with problematic humans, then I'd accept it being me. Your father should have been put to death. That's the reality of his situation, because that level of crime shouldn't be risked to happen again, and isn't worth becoming a price for society. Thankfully, I'm not actually in charge of those kinds of decisions, because it's a huge responsibility, and not every case is bound to be so straightforward. Your experience was extreme, and I wish you'd never had to go through any of it. I'm sorry for being so long-winded about it... you're a miracle person, Margie. You could have been broken by him, as many people have been by their abusers, but now you're one of the most impressive and sensational human beings I know. I kind of wish now I'd have focused on that part and said nothing else.