I couldn't sleep well for most of my life. I can still remember the first night I couldn't sleep, aged 4-5, a couple of years after my father left, right before my sister was born. My mother, still in university, was cleaning the apartment outside my door. I spent the night lying silently, repeatedly tracing the image of Mickey Mouse on my pillowcase. I was always sent to bed early compared to everyone else, so I knew all along my body never learned to treat a bed like a place of rest. It was a place of waiting, and having to be creative to entertain oneself... needless to say, among other pastimes, I overthought everything, became skilled at counting to high numbers, and my stuffed animals all had names, personalities, and fully developed relationships with the others. They mostly had Kung-Fu battles. Aged nine, I took up reading under the blankets, and eventually playing the Game Boy Advance SP, fortunately the only video game system I owned until I was twenty and got a laptop. I hadn't ditched the stuffed animals until age fourteen.

In college, I covered my windows with black garbage bags, learned to play it loose, and slept as needed, and more. Except in one place where there was constant noise and zero sense of security.

Today, with the right practices, I can typically fall asleep within 10-120 minutes.

Limited screen activity, dim lighting, cool temperatures, a healthier diet, numerous meditative techniques... the smallest differences can help a lot.

Still, I occasionally fail to sleep for 1-3 days at a time... and the more I consider pinpointing a particular muse from over the years, the less I want to talk about anything at all. I've never had such a straightforward perspective on anything anyway.

I have to think on that some more... thank you for sharing, Cristina, always.

Peace.

-- G