I read this three times.

There is too much I don't know to respond the way that I desperately wanted to respond to this...

Honestly, I just want you to be okay, to know that appreciation is fully within your rights, and that you may have more power in life than you often believe.

(final note: -continues to respond as originally willed-)

Worst case scenario, while you have the ability to experience this supposed plane of existence, this is your chance to give and get the most. Perhaps there's no knowing what's real, but we know what we feel, and it's good to appreciate every bit that we can.

If worried that all choices matter, we can probably just make half decent choices. Any being so intelligent as to manage all of life and death is working on more metrics than simple intent and results. They should take into account where, who and what you are, and in what way their own designs have put you in your position.

Maybe in the existential laws surrounding God, balance can't be done away with, and our existence was crafted with the limits chosen on either end, with God experiencing both the best and the worst with all of us. Things might have been better and worst, or just altogether more balanced and bland.

Again I don't know much, if anything...

I appreciate you for having written this.

P.S. I had forgotten the main reason I started replying, which was for the highlighted part above. At the very least in brain science today, they are telling us that while we don't have perfect free will, that we have free won't.

I'm personally convinced that half the neuroscience is designed to control us as we get closer to enlightenment, so they give a little more truth to keep us all convinced that they're real.

In the end, I believe we may have infinite power, but it's both difficult and dangerous to reach into it.

I have this nightmare of gaining full control over the universe, accidentally changing everything , losing everything I ever knew and loved, unable to put it all back and feel like any of it is real...

I'm not sure where I'm going with this anymore.

I've only eaten chocolate chips these last 32 hours or so, it's really bad. I was up for 20 hours and slept for 5.

I just want everyone to be okay.

But the world does have chaos.

I will you good health my friend.

- Gustave

P.S. I think I just got used to post scriptums