Oh, Dani... I can heavily relate to this. Haven't spoken to my mother or most family members in months. I'm expected to fail spectacularly in life, one way or another, and to move back in with them soon.

It took me a while, more than half a year, but I can finally focus on my own shit.

On and off, for more than half a year, I spent up to about 4-6 hours a day pacing and angrily addressing the open air as if my mother were listening, which triggered me feeling like she'd be right that I'd fail, which would throw me into a depression, and so forth... not feeling in a mood to share my life publicly, I'd wake up and wander through the apartment aimlessly, half-seriously looking through job listings, applying to many but not messaging them to stick out, just trying to create a sensation that I'm taking things seriously, knowing I'm not...

Now, I'm decent again.

It only sucks I must feel guilty for shunning my grandparents too. My grandfather isn't healthy, and my grandmother's all alone.

Everyone's plan was always that I'd someday move in with her after he passes away. It's come up several times over the years, and apparently they're waiting to bring it up again next time we speak.

I love my grandmother, but I need distance from all of them to rewire my mind, and I know there are other, better living options for her than me at this time.

Somehow, I'm sure her seven children will come together to help if need be. But yeah, whenever I think of it, my heart hurts, and for a moment, I'm not sure what to do.

I know she'll be okay.

Either way... Dani, I appreciate your openness in these matters, always, and wish you all the inner peace you may ever need in future situations of the kind. 🖤 Your own little family sounds so precious too though, and it warms me up inside to read about you all.

Also wishing you the best with the book. 😊❤

Sincerely, take care.

--G

P.S. I'm crafting a new secret identity on Medium, and will be switching to this new account full-time within the year. You'll probably sense when it's me. Haven't decided yet whether to force myself off the letter format of responding to people from it. We'll see what happens.