Oh, geez!!!! Firstly, I'd like to call attention to the sinful feeling of clapping all 50 times for your response. 😶

That scenario checks out though!!

I'm reluctant to say much about David specifically, because I only remember we used to read each other here and there, then one day, after not coming by for a couple of years, I couldn't anymore. We never interacted too closely to begin, but then, as you might have noticed before, I don't get as comfortable with most men as I do with women anyway. Bicho and William Spirdione, and a couple others, I've enjoyed greatly, but I don't know how to be as forthcoming with them either.

Yeah, I need what we have too... there aren't enough people I can have these conversations and breakthroughs with so easily... some have even written entire articles that felt directed at me and how I prefer engaging here. They only want a comment to help them out with the algorithm, which I understand for those who've worked it out to make money here and need to keep it going, but I've learned for a while now that earning money here is not, and will never be my priority. I'm confident I'll have my financials figured out in no time, but Medium is not the place for me to worry about that.

Which is why I've also drastically reduced who I read and engage with here of late. The list I announced in April still stands, but only a handful on it mean enough to me that I'd read them as soon as I get back from my lulls before ever catching up on the rest.

You're always on top of it, along with Lucy Dan, and Jess (our good friend, Defiant Joy), who's supported me on a regular basis away from here, when Medium was too much to take in. Benighted also means a lot to me, and the only reason I'm slower to get to them is that my mind can't generally handle the depth of their poetry, and I hate not knowing how to respond right away. I owe them to return a private message as well, from months ago, prior to taking a break from everything. I hope they believe me when I tell them they've been on my mind at least once every day, which is true. If Dani (Montague) still wrote here, I'd be keeping up with her too.

I need to write about her book still. I feel guilty for having held it off for so long... I originally wanted to make a whole interview out of it, since there were already multiple reviews I posted on the various shop sites, but she's too busy. I might also have gone too deep in reading her through her book, when sharing how I felt about it privately.

But none of my conversations with any of them are specifically like ours. I hate grading relationships against each other, so I won't, but what we have is unique, based on our particular set of matching and mismatching qualities, and it could never be replaced. ❣

(Btw, I asked you once about getting your email or some other form of private contact info, but I don't know if you ever saw it. I then realized that maybe we work best in comment sections anyway... I don't think I could handle accidentally falling into a more regular messaging pattern with you, then keep on publishing on top of that, and I'm bad for falling into a regular pattern like that. In either case, I think you appreciate your space better this way.)

I have no interest anymore for growing this account, as long as I enjoy what I'm sharing, and can keep in touch with a small group I really care about.💕

Trying to play by Medium's algorithm almost ruined me. I started hating this platform for a while, but couldn't imagine ever leaving it, because of those connections that I've made. And with my priorities now straight, I admit it's still a great place to be.

I'm not even concerned about anyone from here following me over to Substack, because that content will be far less personal, I think.

Terrible story, btw, relating to your final note... when I first finalized taking my distance from SLG, and I hit it off so grandly with Jess (back then CEK), I started making a big show of how close we were getting, childishly, to make the other one jealous. It wasn't fair, because I was equally guilty for elevating our connection as friends to potential lovers, but that was my mindset at the time, all broken up inside...

It hadn't even DAWNED on me that she was already jealous of you and me all along, to the point that she'd gone out of her way to emulate you, which was also a big part of the reason I didn't believe she was a real person. It's harder for me now to doubt that something there was real, one way or another, but point being, if I had any concerns of poking at her with my wonderful connection with someone else, I don't know how I missed that I didn't need anyone else to achieve it.

And luckily, Jess was thoughtful and forgiving when I finally admitted to her what I'd been up to. I almost never told her, because I didn't want her to think that using her was my priority, instead of having a precious friend... I've since described my behaviour of the time as "high-school baboonish".

But I couldn't possible make this response any longer, not without officially crossing some kind of boundary, I believe.

I'm dying of thirst now too. 😂 It's warm in my room, and I've abstained from leaving to get water because James is finally awake, and I didn't want to get fully dressed.

I may or may not continue replying to your other comments straight away after. I want to, but should probably let you catch up again. I'm not even done reading your most recent stories yet!!! Avoiding Medium for months now feels like it was a mistake, but I know everything happened the way it needed to. 🥰 (((HUGS))) to you to, my friend. Take care.